Layaway

I found a new love of my life. LAYAWAY!!! My boss told me to go to KMart because there are soooo many sales going on for back to school. Then she told me about 'layaway.' I cringed for a minute because as I was growing up, my mom loved layaway. I never understood it because I remember us having a bunch of stuff on layaway, but we never got it. Every time I wanted something, the answer was, "Okay, I'll put it on layaway." HMMMMM......
So I never saw the benefit of layaway.
Here I go, a 30 year old mother, to KMart to get school clothes for the kid. I got about 5 pairs of jeans, 6 shirts, socks, undies, and even a pair of jammies for the kid. I was shopping like there was no tomorrow. The kid runs up to me with a 'lego star wars' box in his arms. "Mommy please can I have this?????" HMMMMMM.....
Price tag says $29.99
HMMMMMM.....
"Okay babe, we'll put it on layaway."

WOW, how history repeats itself. (Except that my son WILL eventually get his stuff.)

So I get to the layaway check out counter and there is a man that was ahead of me. The man was very upset because his bikes had been returned to the store because he didn't come and make payments until today. Needless to say he wanted his money back. When he found out that he had to pay TEN dollars for nothing, he demanded to speak to the manager..,.,....

WOW, how this took me back.

Here I am in the tent. This was before the hour and a half hike up the creek. That is why I still look so happy!!!

Camping

Are we having fun yet? No mom, I'm not cold!

Sequoia National Park

Here is a pic of the bear that scared the sh*% out of me at the creek. Anthoney got a kick out of it the first time he saw the bear. The second bear that we saw, Anthoney nearly killed himself by rolling down the hill. Yes, he ran after the ranger told us not to run....

My Story (Part 1)

I grew up living with a very protective and religious mother. I remember that the only time I had some sort of normal childhood was every other weekend and every other holiday. Those were the times that I would visit my dad.
I ended up moving to my dad's house in the summer before my sophomore year...
I was able to learn so many life skills that I would not have learned had I stayed with my mother. I was taught how to be responsible and how to work for what I want in life. I may not have used it back then, but I am using it now. Things were good at first, until I started to resort back to my old way of being sneaky. (The way I had to deal with the over protective, religious mother.) I didn't realize that I did not have to act that way anymore. Did I ever screw up!
I started to hang out with that guy that everyone warned me about. Did I mention he was the 'forbidden one?' So, naturally he was the one I wanted.
Needless to say, I started to do stupid things. Lying, Ditching school, forging notes to excuse absences. Did I mention, Lying? I started to smoke cigarettes because it was 'cool.' Isn't it??
I was not too much into smoking pot at that time (yet). I did my first line of speed in the P.E. locker room in 10th grade. I really did not like how it made me feel. HMMMMMM... I wonder why I did it again????? My addiction progressed slowly over time.
I did not go to prom or attend graduation with my class. At the time I had a 'who gives a sh*#' attitude.
Someone once sat me down and told me that when I get older, I will have some regrets. At the time I didn't see the importance of these events. That person was sooo very right. For the last 4 years that I have been sober, I have gotten really sad around this time of the year. All the congrats grad makes me have a feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I realize now that I attended school for 12 years (usually with an A average) and I did not allow myself to be recognized for that accomplishment. All because I wanted to fart around my senior year and ditch 5th period (ecomomics) and fail the class. Yeah, I had to go back to summer school just to get my diploma. What a dumb ass...
After high school, I was given a choice.... Go to college or leave with the 'loser.' 3 guesses on what my choice was....
So I ended up homeless with the loser until his girlfriend got mad....
Then I moved back to Norco. My brother took me in for a while...... until I started lying and seeing the loser and using again.... did I mention lying??? Wait a minute, I never stopped using; I was not using every day (yet.) So far I had burned 3 bridges; Dad, stepmom, & brother. Who was next? Mom.

Finally Friday

Thank God it's Friday. What a week. It actually went by pretty quickly. I had to call in a referral on a girl today for not doing what is required. I hate to do it, but these women know that their families are at risk.... Our goal is to keep these families together, but they have to do their part as well...
So this weekend is AnthonEy's last soccer game. I believe that he will get a trophy... He will be sooooo excited. Yeah, more excited than when he got the principal's award. That's it for tonight, I am off to the gym to sweat my a#% off.

Proud Parent

My son earned an award today!!!! The reason for the award is because in the last 2 months, Anthoney has improved so much that the teacher felt the Principal's Award was very appropriate. I am so proud of my little boy. Look at his face. He acted like this was just another day and just another award. I know he was excited but he is 6 years old and has to keep up his COOL reputation..... I think my dad is more excited than anyone!!! I just wish h was here to share this experience with me. I remember when I was a kid, my dad would take that hour drive for EVERY awards assembly so he could be there to see me succeed. I will always remember those days. So here I am excited that MY child earned an award and I was able to be there to see it. I really think that this gave him the reinforcement that he needs to know that everybody sees how much he has improved.

Vogue

So here I am at age 13. Yeah I thought I was too cute......(those eyebrows gotta go, where's the tweezers????)

About Me......

Alright here's my seven.....nothing too exciting....

1. My kindergarten teacher's name was Mrs. Ripatoe. I used to tell kids that if you were bad, she would rip your so off. (how mean)

2. I started smoking at age 16 and quit at age 29. I went up to Idaho to visit my family and quit cold turkey in the fresh (snowy) air. I never imagined that I would be considered a non smoker.

3. When I was about 13 years old, my cousin and I used to imagine that we were models and wasted many, many rolls of film 'striking a pose.' I still have those pics in a box in my closet.

4. I honestly believe that I made the best decision of my life when I moved in with my dad at age 14. If I hadn't made that move, I think that I would have turned out to be a mother of 5 on welfare with no ambition.

5. I was in labor for 28 hours before the doc decided to listen to me when I was calmly telling her to, "CUT ME OPEN!!!!"

6. I met the most wonderful girl in rehab. We have been best friends since the day we met. (We are both still clean ~ 9/19/02 for her and 11/13/02 for me!!!!!)

7. I am going on a cruise in October and I can hardly wait.


I told you it wasn't anything exciting.....
If I think of anything else, I might post.....

The Boss's kid

So this picture was taken in April 2007. This is my clown kid being goofy with the camera at my boss's desk. By the way, that is my boss's (am I spelling this right?) little girl at her desk. They were playing 'let's do some work.' She is looking at AnthonEy like he is crazy.....

MINI-ME

So this is Anthoney and Daniella on a good day at SeaWorld. They are not arguing at this time. (amazing) I think they started up 5 minutes later.

Dinner

So I just got home from going out to dinner with the 'fam.' It was my sister, brother, my two nieces and my nephew, my son, my mom and her 'man'. So the dinner went alright. I am not the biggest fan of this new man in my mom's life, (I have my reasons) but, hey she is quite happy. So I am happy for her.
My son was the life of the party as usual with his little silly butt. My brother told a joke about numbers that made sense, but, according to AnthonEy, he told the joke wrong. This is the joke:
"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate(8) - 9."
Cute joke. So this was Anthoney's version.
"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 9 - 10 - 11 - 12."
So everyone started laughing at AnthonEy, and needless to say, Daniella got angry. She said, "THAT WASN'T FUNNY!!!!!" You know it is so funny how history repeats itself. My sister and I used to do nothing but fight with each other. You know, just think of stuff to argue about. I feel sorry for the adults that had to put up with us. I take care of my niece a lot and my son and her go at it like my sister and I used to. We got the whole jealousy stuff going on. I cannot stand it. "Auntie Stephanie, Anthoney is not listening to me!!!!" "Auntie Stephanie, Anthoney is not sharing...." "Mommie, Daniella is saying that she is not my friend anymore."
And so on and so on.......
So back to dinner, my mom acts like a teenager. I guess it is cute in a way, but a little irritating. That's it for tonight. I have a big day tomorrow. I am going to my son's family reunion down in San Diego. Should be fun.......

Finally....

Finals are done!!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoo.... Passed them all with flying colors. I am so proud of myself. (3 As) Anyways, I have one semester left until I can wask down the isle and collect my 1st certificate.....Shortly thereafter, I will be walking again to get that AA I have been trying to get for the last 2 years....so on and so on....
Wow, never in a million years would I have thought that I would be where I am at today. It was only about 9 years ago that I was living out of my car. Not caring about anything except for myself and my drugs. It took a long time for me to decide enough was enough. When I went into the rehab, my intention was to get the court off my back so I can continue doing what I knew best, drugs, and criminal behavior. But while I was there, something happened. In NA they tell you to stay until the miracle happens. The miracle just hit me in the face about 30 days into my 7 month stay. I'm not going to get too much into my story because I need to get into bed, but I will eventually get it all out one of these days when I have more time....
And when I get a little bit more comfortable in this bloggerworld................
Until next time good night.

Therapy

I have decided that I need therapy. I took my son to therapy today. I was doing most of the talking. We waited for a month to get him in this clinic... I actually liked the doc, he did an in depth interview with my son and I. I had to fill out about 8 pages of our family history. Anthoney drew a picture of a black house with a red roof. The doc said this shows that he is angry. Wow. I need to be psychologist so I can charge people $100 per hour to analyze a crayola picture......So I left the clinic knowing exactly what I knew when I went in there this morning. I guess I have to have patience and wait until my next scheduled appointment on 6/27/07. That's right 40 days away. I also had to sign a paper that said if I am late or cancel without 24 hour notice, I have to pay $70......

On other news, I have made a commitment to live healthier. (FINALLY) I quit drugs on 11/13/02. I quit smoking on 12/21/06. I have quit eating on 5/4/07. (haha just kidding, wanted to see if u were paying attention.....) I started going to the gym on 5/4/07. I am doing water arobics and I love it... I never thought I would be the one to go on and on about exercise. But now that I have actually given it a chance, I really feel good about myself. When I first heard about the 9 am class on Saturday, I thought, hell no, I need to sleep in on Saturday...But now I look forward to starting my day off with a good workout. I just got home from the gym a little while ago and my arms are still sore...

Now I have to study for finals..........................

Memories

I cannot believe that Griffith Park is on fire!!!!!!!! I can remember back when i was a kid, my dad used to take us to the observatory. It's funny how i forget memories until i see the words "GRIFFITH PARK" on the TV screen with flames all over the place.... I hope they put that fire out, because now that i remember what wonderful experiences i had there with my dad, now i would like so much to take my son there so he can know where his 'Papa' took his mommy when she was little.................

So this is the love of my life, the apple of my eye, and the pain in my ass. This is the sweet little boy that everyone warned me against. This picture was taken in the summer of 2005. He was 4 years old. It was the oh so wonderful trip to Sequoia National Park with Bobby, Sonya, and the kids. I will never forget the look on my sister's face when my son threw up all over the back seat of her NEW car. OOPS....just a little car sick as we passed through the grapevine.....heehee.

My boy was alright. (That'll teach Sonya not to jerk that clutch so much!!!!!)

Amazing

Anthoney is asleep in HIS bed.......Miracles do happen.

Scattered

Here I am again in bloggerworld. First, I would like to thank all those who visited me and left me comments....It has been a pretty hectic week. I have work and school on Monday and Tuesday. I need to get edumakated. In case you are wondering, the visit went quite well with my friend in rehab. She has some pretty big balls to be able to humble herself enough to go to detox at a place that she had worked for 4 years....
Well this week I submitted time off to go on vacation in October....Yeah I am really planning ahead. I am so excited to be going on my first cruise. My best friend is taking my son and I on a Disney Cruise....woooohooo....anyways, I will get more into that later.
The beef that I have is that they are making us get passports. This means that I have to get permission from my kid's dad, who doesn't even pay child support....Is this insanity?
Anyways, I need to STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. Hopefully I will get better at this blog stuff....In the mean time, I will just jump from one subject to the next.....
Thanks for listening.....PS I love u Rosemary...

Grateful

Sometimes we take the little things in life for granted. I have learned that I need to appreciate my life today. My life was not as meaningful as it is today. I am one hit away from going right back to the unmanageability that my life was. What I mean is that all it will take is for me to give in to one hit from the drug that was once my best friend. I am learning now that even after four years of sobriety, I still have so much work that I have to do on myself. I figure I may as well get started now seeing that I am almost thirty years old. My one downfall is that I have become complacent in my own recovery. I have started to believe that because I work in the field of drugs and alcohol, I do not need to do 12 step meetings. I am very wrong.... It has come to my knowledge that someone that I really looked up to is now laying in detox at the program I once worked at. This has made me realize that this disease of addiction is alive and kicking. That could very well be me laying in detox. I am so grateful for being clean.....