I grew up living with a very protective and religious mother. I remember that the only time I had some sort of normal childhood was every other weekend and every other holiday. Those were the times that I would visit my dad.
I ended up moving to my dad's house in the summer before my sophomore year...
I was able to learn so many life skills that I would not have learned had I stayed with my mother. I was taught how to be responsible and how to work for what I want in life. I may not have used it back then, but I am using it now. Things were good at first, until I started to resort back to my old way of being sneaky. (The way I had to deal with the over protective, religious mother.) I didn't realize that I did not have to act that way anymore. Did I ever screw up!
I started to hang out with that guy that everyone warned me about. Did I mention he was the 'forbidden one?' So, naturally he was the one I wanted.
Needless to say, I started to do stupid things. Lying, Ditching school, forging notes to excuse absences. Did I mention, Lying? I started to smoke cigarettes because it was 'cool.' Isn't it??
I was not too much into smoking pot at that time (yet). I did my first line of speed in the P.E. locker room in 10th grade. I really did not like how it made me feel. HMMMMMM... I wonder why I did it again????? My addiction progressed slowly over time.
I did not go to prom or attend graduation with my class. At the time I had a 'who gives a sh*#' attitude.
Someone once sat me down and told me that when I get older, I will have some regrets. At the time I didn't see the importance of these events. That person was sooo very right. For the last 4 years that I have been sober, I have gotten really sad around this time of the year. All the congrats grad makes me have a feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I realize now that I attended school for 12 years (usually with an A average) and I did not allow myself to be recognized for that accomplishment. All because I wanted to fart around my senior year and ditch 5th period (ecomomics) and fail the class. Yeah, I had to go back to summer school just to get my diploma. What a dumb ass...
After high school, I was given a choice.... Go to college or leave with the 'loser.' 3 guesses on what my choice was....
So I ended up homeless with the loser until his girlfriend got mad....
Then I moved back to Norco. My brother took me in for a while...... until I started lying and seeing the loser and using again.... did I mention lying??? Wait a minute, I never stopped using; I was not using every day (yet.) So far I had burned 3 bridges; Dad, stepmom, & brother. Who was next? Mom.
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6 comments:
What a truly remarkable young lady you are to have gone through so much and yet be in such a healthy place today. And what a wonderful tribute to your dad! If it isn't too personal, did having a very religious mother turn you away from organized religion? And if so, did you have any difficulties working the spiritual part of your program? I'm learning about the 12 steps from our daughter and what great principles they are. I'm looking forward to more of your story!
Ok, so wait a minute...you forged notes? Ok, Steph I am just so upset.....hehehe. Whose name did you copy? Not mine I bet.
Steph, I didn't do the prom/grad/12th grade stuff either; I think I told you. I do know how you feel. But I guess the important thing is where you are now. Those bridges are all mended, we never stopped loving you and your dad never misses a chance to tell people how proud of you he is. I just really wish you could lay a little more guilt on him so we could move back. I could maybe overlook the note thing.
Nice post.
I'm waiting for chapter two.
I think it's great that you can write it all down and allow complete strangers to read it.
Thanks!
Yes, I understand completely. I struggle sometimes with organized religion but have a very deep spiritual connection. Thanks for answering my rather personal question.
Happy 4th Stephanie and Anthoney!
Stephanie, first of all, you have really come a long way and I think you are awesome! I think it's great you are sharing your story. Maybe some other young person in the same situation will read it and think twice about what s/he is doing. As for Rosemary's commment - I am going to have to kick her skinny butt! (Yeah, it's really skinny these days!) What is this about moving back? She can't even ponder that option, ever. Now, YOU could move HERE! THAT works. But her leaving? Not gonna let that happen.
Congrats, Stephanie, on your four years! I was an honor student, yearbook editor, blah, blah, blah, and didn't go to my prom (no boy asked me), and you know what? It still bugs me, so I know how you feel.
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