sereneandclean

2009-07-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

being goofy

2009-02-18T22:31:00.000-08:00

2008-03-19T21:26:00.001-07:00

I love the water in the Bahamas!! Look at how clear blue it is!!! This picture was taken on Castaway Cay. (Disney's private island in the Bahamas) This is the actual Black Pearl.

2008-03-19T21:21:00.001-07:00

I guess kids really can fly!?!?!?! Or just too much candy!

I love this one!!!

2008-03-18T20:13:00.001-07:00

One for the boys....
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Olsen
retired, Mrs. Olsen insisted her husband accompany her on her trips toWalMart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Olsen was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Olsen was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Olsen received the following letter from
her local WalleyWorld.

Dear Mrs. Olsen,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Olsen are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay -away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ..

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,
Wal -Mart

2008-03-16T22:30:00.001-07:00

Aww Pa Pa!!

Disney Wonder

2008-03-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I took that picture. (It is not a postcard!)

I was tagged

2008-03-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

Here goes! I was tagged by Rosemary to write 6 words. I do not really know what the hell I am doing. So I will just make up my own rules. Hmmmm. 6 words that are important to me are:
Surrender, Open minded, willing, determined, strong! That's me!
1 2 3 4 5 6

This is a picture of the open sea that symbolizes freedom.
I hope I did alright!!

2008-03-08T00:32:00.002-08:00

Maple House Success Story

2008-03-08T00:13:00.000-08:00

Last month, I was asked to write up my success story for the program that I got clean at. I truly felt honored that they asked me. The reason that Jamie needed a success story is because she is trying to get funding from a charity for Maple House. So here goes...

I started smoking speed and weed on a daily basis in 1998. I was 21 years old. My family wanted nothing to do with me. I was arrested for the first time in 1998 on a possession charge and ordered to do drug diversion. I failed to do these classes. Needless to say, I had a warrant for my arrest. By this time my addiction was so bad that I did not care. In December of 1999, I committed my first felony offense. I was charged with burglary for cashing a stolen check. Again, I was arrested and ordered to do Work Release. Again, I failed to follow through. This seems like a pattern, doesn't it? In 2000 I found out that I was pregnant because I was throwing up every time I tried to get high. (This must have been a sign!) For some reason, this was the only time I was able to stop doing drugs for any amount of time. I gave birth to my son in September of 2000. By the time my son was 2 months old, I was back to my obsession with drugs. I felt that I was a "good" mom because I left my son with his grandmother. My son was 9 months old when the police finally caught up with me. I was driving down the street with my son and his dad when the police pulled me over for out of date registration. My son got to see his mom and dad handcuffed and taken away from him. You would think that this would be enough for me to say "enough is enough!" It wasn't. I served about 70 days in county jail. I was released on the promise that I would complete 150 community service hours.
I started these hours. Then I got high. Then I got busted again for felony possession. I was very lucky to have been ordered to Prop 36. (Court ordered drug treatment.) I was struggling to stay clean. I decided to do outpatient at Cedar House because word on the street was that they did not drug test very often. Boy, was I wrong!! About 3 weeks in, I was asked to drug test. I obviously was under the influence of speed. I got very scared. I went to probation officer and told on myself. This would be my third violation of probation. My P.O. simply told me that he would take my child into CPS custody and send me to prison if I continued to use. I said, "You cannot take my child." and he said, "Watch me." So I surrendered for the first time in my life and I said I am WILLING to do whatever you want me to do. He made a few calls and I ended up in detox at Cedar House on 11/13/02. Two days later, Miss Jamie came down to Cedar House to take me and my 2 year old boy over to our new home.
When I arrived at Maple House, I was very skeptical. I had no clue how to be a mother. I had absolutely no parenting skills. I had no idea what it meant to be responsible or what structure was. My son was not used to being with me either.
I learned so much at Maple House. I learned how to be consistent with my son. The staff helped me so much in training me how to have effective parenting skills. I learned how to be responsible for my own actions and to clean up after myself. I developed relationships with the women and the staff that I still treasure. The groups helped me to see that I wasn't alone in my struggles to stay clean. I feel that the structure of the program is what helped me to understand the importance of staying on time. Some of the things that I was required to do during my stay seemed to be futile at the time, however I now see that everything had its purpose. The program is designed to prepare us for the real world. As mothers, we need to be able to multi task because our kids need us. We need to be able to figure out how to schedule appointments for ourselves and our children with out effecting other normal daily activities such as work/school/groups. My stay at Maple House was 7 months. Originally, I was prepared for a 30 day dry out to get my P.O. off my back. Somewhere in that time, something changed my mind. I realized that I liked being 'normal.' I loved being a mother to my son. I feel that it was crucial for my son to be there with me because I gained a bond with him that I will be forever grateful for. I was afraid to leave the safety of Maple House. I decided to stay for the entire 6 months. I began planning my 'new' life. I was enrolled in an aftercare/outpatient program in my last few months at Maple House in order to transition me into my sober living apartment.
I stayed the 7th month because my apartment was not ready yet. If I would have left 1 month before the apt was ready, I would have risked going back to old places that I need not be.
I use everything that I learned at Maple House on a daily basis even today. From parenting skills to acceptance.
I began working at Cedar House in October 2003. I worked there for 3 years and moved on to expand my horizons. Cedar House is a "Great Place to Start!"
Today I have been clean for 5 years and 4 months. I will be graduating from San Bernardino Valley College with an AA in Human Services and my certificate for Drug/Alcohol Studies in May 2008. I work full time as a Case Manager for dependency drug court. I work with women and men that have lost their children to CPS due to drug use. My goal is to continue my education at Cal State San Bernardino to obtain my BSW and become a Social Worker.
I never thought I was capable to be who I am today. I pay all my bills on time. I live in my own 2 bedroom apt in Riverside. (Just me and my son!) I bought a brand new car 2 years ago and have never been late on my payment! These are little things to some people, but huge for me.
I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to learn from all the staff at Maple House. If it weren't for that program I would not be where I am today. A happy parent!

Layaway

2007-08-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

I found a new love of my life. LAYAWAY!!! My boss told me to go to KMart because there are soooo many sales going on for back to school. Then she told me about 'layaway.' I cringed for a minute because as I was growing up, my mom loved layaway. I never understood it because I remember us having a bunch of stuff on layaway, but we never got it. Every time I wanted something, the answer was, "Okay, I'll put it on layaway." HMMMMM......
So I never saw the benefit of layaway.
Here I go, a 30 year old mother, to KMart to get school clothes for the kid. I got about 5 pairs of jeans, 6 shirts, socks, undies, and even a pair of jammies for the kid. I was shopping like there was no tomorrow. The kid runs up to me with a 'lego star wars' box in his arms. "Mommy please can I have this?????" HMMMMMM.....
Price tag says $29.99
HMMMMMM.....
"Okay babe, we'll put it on layaway."

WOW, how history repeats itself. (Except that my son WILL eventually get his stuff.)

So I get to the layaway check out counter and there is a man that was ahead of me. The man was very upset because his bikes had been returned to the store because he didn't come and make payments until today. Needless to say he wanted his money back. When he found out that he had to pay TEN dollars for nothing, he demanded to speak to the manager..,.,....

WOW, how this took me back.

2007-07-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Here I am in the tent. This was before the hour and a half hike up the creek. That is why I still look so happy!!!

Camping

2007-07-10T22:04:00.000-07:00

Are we having fun yet? No mom, I'm not cold!

Sequoia National Park

2007-07-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic of the bear that scared the sh*% out of me at the creek. Anthoney got a kick out of it the first time he saw the bear. The second bear that we saw, Anthoney nearly killed himself by rolling down the hill. Yes, he ran after the ranger told us not to run....

My Story (Part 1)

2007-06-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

I grew up living with a very protective and religious mother. I remember that the only time I had some sort of normal childhood was every other weekend and every other holiday. Those were the times that I would visit my dad.
I ended up moving to my dad's house in the summer before my sophomore year...
I was able to learn so many life skills that I would not have learned had I stayed with my mother. I was taught how to be responsible and how to work for what I want in life. I may not have used it back then, but I am using it now. Things were good at first, until I started to resort back to my old way of being sneaky. (The way I had to deal with the over protective, religious mother.) I didn't realize that I did not have to act that way anymore. Did I ever screw up!
I started to hang out with that guy that everyone warned me about. Did I mention he was the 'forbidden one?' So, naturally he was the one I wanted.
Needless to say, I started to do stupid things. Lying, Ditching school, forging notes to excuse absences. Did I mention, Lying? I started to smoke cigarettes because it was 'cool.' Isn't it??
I was not too much into smoking pot at that time (yet). I did my first line of speed in the P.E. locker room in 10th grade. I really did not like how it made me feel. HMMMMMM... I wonder why I did it again????? My addiction progressed slowly over time.
I did not go to prom or attend graduation with my class. At the time I had a 'who gives a sh*#' attitude.
Someone once sat me down and told me that when I get older, I will have some regrets. At the time I didn't see the importance of these events. That person was sooo very right. For the last 4 years that I have been sober, I have gotten really sad around this time of the year. All the congrats grad makes me have a feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I realize now that I attended school for 12 years (usually with an A average) and I did not allow myself to be recognized for that accomplishment. All because I wanted to fart around my senior year and ditch 5th period (ecomomics) and fail the class. Yeah, I had to go back to summer school just to get my diploma. What a dumb ass...
After high school, I was given a choice.... Go to college or leave with the 'loser.' 3 guesses on what my choice was....
So I ended up homeless with the loser until his girlfriend got mad....
Then I moved back to Norco. My brother took me in for a while...... until I started lying and seeing the loser and using again.... did I mention lying??? Wait a minute, I never stopped using; I was not using every day (yet.) So far I had burned 3 bridges; Dad, stepmom, & brother. Who was next? Mom.

Finally Friday

2007-06-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Thank God it's Friday. What a week. It actually went by pretty quickly. I had to call in a referral on a girl today for not doing what is required. I hate to do it, but these women know that their families are at risk.... Our goal is to keep these families together, but they have to do their part as well...
So this weekend is AnthonEy's last soccer game. I believe that he will get a trophy... He will be sooooo excited. Yeah, more excited than when he got the principal's award. That's it for tonight, I am off to the gym to sweat my a#% off.

Proud Parent

2007-06-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

My son earned an award today!!!! The reason for the award is because in the last 2 months, Anthoney has improved so much that the teacher felt the Principal's Award was very appropriate. I am so proud of my little boy. Look at his face. He acted like this was just another day and just another award. I know he was excited but he is 6 years old and has to keep up his COOL reputation..... I think my dad is more excited than anyone!!! I just wish h was here to share this experience with me. I remember when I was a kid, my dad would take that hour drive for EVERY awards assembly so he could be there to see me succeed. I will always remember those days. So here I am excited that MY child earned an award and I was able to be there to see it. I really think that this gave him the reinforcement that he needs to know that everybody sees how much he has improved.

Vogue

2007-05-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

So here I am at age 13. Yeah I thought I was too cute......(those eyebrows gotta go, where's the tweezers????)

About Me......

2007-05-27T23:42:00.000-07:00

Alright here's my seven.....nothing too exciting....

1. My kindergarten teacher's name was Mrs. Ripatoe. I used to tell kids that if you were bad, she would rip your so off. (how mean)

2. I started smoking at age 16 and quit at age 29. I went up to Idaho to visit my family and quit cold turkey in the fresh (snowy) air. I never imagined that I would be considered a non smoker.

3. When I was about 13 years old, my cousin and I used to imagine that we were models and wasted many, many rolls of film 'striking a pose.' I still have those pics in a box in my closet.

4. I honestly believe that I made the best decision of my life when I moved in with my dad at age 14. If I hadn't made that move, I think that I would have turned out to be a mother of 5 on welfare with no ambition.

5. I was in labor for 28 hours before the doc decided to listen to me when I was calmly telling her to, "CUT ME OPEN!!!!"

6. I met the most wonderful girl in rehab. We have been best friends since the day we met. (We are both still clean ~ 9/19/02 for her and 11/13/02 for me!!!!!)

7. I am going on a cruise in October and I can hardly wait.

I told you it wasn't anything exciting.....
If I think of anything else, I might post.....

The Boss's kid

2007-05-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

So this picture was taken in April 2007. This is my clown kid being goofy with the camera at my boss's desk. By the way, that is my boss's (am I spelling this right?) little girl at her desk. They were playing 'let's do some work.' She is looking at AnthonEy like he is crazy.....

MINI-ME

2007-05-26T21:42:00.000-07:00

So this is Anthoney and Daniella on a good day at SeaWorld. They are not arguing at this time. (amazing) I think they started up 5 minutes later.

Dinner

2007-05-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

So I just got home from going out to dinner with the 'fam.' It was my sister, brother, my two nieces and my nephew, my son, my mom and her 'man'. So the dinner went alright. I am not the biggest fan of this new man in my mom's life, (I have my reasons) but, hey she is quite happy. So I am happy for her.
My son was the life of the party as usual with his little silly butt. My brother told a joke about numbers that made sense, but, according to AnthonEy, he told the joke wrong. This is the joke:
"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate(8) - 9."
Cute joke. So this was Anthoney's version.
"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 9 - 10 - 11 - 12."
So everyone started laughing at AnthonEy, and needless to say, Daniella got angry. She said, "THAT WASN'T FUNNY!!!!!" You know it is so funny how history repeats itself. My sister and I used to do nothing but fight with each other. You know, just think of stuff to argue about. I feel sorry for the adults that had to put up with us. I take care of my niece a lot and my son and her go at it like my sister and I used to. We got the whole jealousy stuff going on. I cannot stand it. "Auntie Stephanie, Anthoney is not listening to me!!!!" "Auntie Stephanie, Anthoney is not sharing...." "Mommie, Daniella is saying that she is not my friend anymore."
And so on and so on.......
So back to dinner, my mom acts like a teenager. I guess it is cute in a way, but a little irritating. That's it for tonight. I have a big day tomorrow. I am going to my son's family reunion down in San Diego. Should be fun.......

Finally....

2007-05-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

Finals are done!!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoo.... Passed them all with flying colors. I am so proud of myself. (3 As) Anyways, I have one semester left until I can wask down the isle and collect my 1st certificate.....Shortly thereafter, I will be walking again to get that AA I have been trying to get for the last 2 years....so on and so on....
Wow, never in a million years would I have thought that I would be where I am at today. It was only about 9 years ago that I was living out of my car. Not caring about anything except for myself and my drugs. It took a long time for me to decide enough was enough. When I went into the rehab, my intention was to get the court off my back so I can continue doing what I knew best, drugs, and criminal behavior. But while I was there, something happened. In NA they tell you to stay until the miracle happens. The miracle just hit me in the face about 30 days into my 7 month stay. I'm not going to get too much into my story because I need to get into bed, but I will eventually get it all out one of these days when I have more time....
And when I get a little bit more comfortable in this bloggerworld................
Until next time good night.

Therapy

2007-05-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I need therapy. I took my son to therapy today. I was doing most of the talking. We waited for a month to get him in this clinic... I actually liked the doc, he did an in depth interview with my son and I. I had to fill out about 8 pages of our family history. Anthoney drew a picture of a black house with a red roof. The doc said this shows that he is angry. Wow. I need to be psychologist so I can charge people $100 per hour to analyze a crayola picture......So I left the clinic knowing exactly what I knew when I went in there this morning. I guess I have to have patience and wait until my next scheduled appointment on 6/27/07. That's right 40 days away. I also had to sign a paper that said if I am late or cancel without 24 hour notice, I have to pay $70......

On other news, I have made a commitment to live healthier. (FINALLY) I quit drugs on 11/13/02. I quit smoking on 12/21/06. I have quit eating on 5/4/07. (haha just kidding, wanted to see if u were paying attention.....) I started going to the gym on 5/4/07. I am doing water arobics and I love it... I never thought I would be the one to go on and on about exercise. But now that I have actually given it a chance, I really feel good about myself. When I first heard about the 9 am class on Saturday, I thought, hell no, I need to sleep in on Saturday...But now I look forward to starting my day off with a good workout. I just got home from the gym a little while ago and my arms are still sore...

Now I have to study for finals..........................

Memories

2007-05-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that Griffith Park is on fire!!!!!!!! I can remember back when i was a kid, my dad used to take us to the observatory. It's funny how i forget memories until i see the words "GRIFFITH PARK" on the TV screen with flames all over the place.... I hope they put that fire out, because now that i remember what wonderful experiences i had there with my dad, now i would like so much to take my son there so he can know where his 'Papa' took his mommy when she was little.................

2007-04-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

So this is the love of my life, the apple of my eye, and the pain in my ass. This is the sweet little boy that everyone warned me against. This picture was taken in the summer of 2005. He was 4 years old. It was the oh so wonderful trip to Sequoia National Park with Bobby, Sonya, and the kids. I will never forget the look on my sister's face when my son threw up all over the back seat of her NEW car. OOPS....just a little car sick as we passed through the grapevine.....heehee.

My boy was alright. (That'll teach Sonya not to jerk that clutch so much!!!!!)

Amazing

2007-03-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

Anthoney is asleep in HIS bed.......Miracles do happen.

Scattered

2007-03-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

Here I am again in bloggerworld. First, I would like to thank all those who visited me and left me comments....It has been a pretty hectic week. I have work and school on Monday and Tuesday. I need to get edumakated. In case you are wondering, the visit went quite well with my friend in rehab. She has some pretty big balls to be able to humble herself enough to go to detox at a place that she had worked for 4 years....
Well this week I submitted time off to go on vacation in October....Yeah I am really planning ahead. I am so excited to be going on my first cruise. My best friend is taking my son and I on a Disney Cruise....woooohooo....anyways, I will get more into that later.
The beef that I have is that they are making us get passports. This means that I have to get permission from my kid's dad, who doesn't even pay child support....Is this insanity?
Anyways, I need to STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. Hopefully I will get better at this blog stuff....In the mean time, I will just jump from one subject to the next.....
Thanks for listening.....PS I love u Rosemary...

Grateful

2007-03-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we take the little things in life for granted. I have learned that I need to appreciate my life today. My life was not as meaningful as it is today. I am one hit away from going right back to the unmanageability that my life was. What I mean is that all it will take is for me to give in to one hit from the drug that was once my best friend. I am learning now that even after four years of sobriety, I still have so much work that I have to do on myself. I figure I may as well get started now seeing that I am almost thirty years old. My one downfall is that I have become complacent in my own recovery. I have started to believe that because I work in the field of drugs and alcohol, I do not need to do 12 step meetings. I am very wrong.... It has come to my knowledge that someone that I really looked up to is now laying in detox at the program I once worked at. This has made me realize that this disease of addiction is alive and kicking. That could very well be me laying in detox. I am so grateful for being clean.....